what's on my mind

right now i can't say
whats on my mind
but what im feeling
its you.
in me, around me, on me,
on my mind.
you are too hard to ignore.
i hope you understand what
you are to me,
what you always will be.
please don't run away.
oh god, i just can't say
right now
what's on my mind.

right now i have written this..

to feel the things that i feel now
to smile that same way that i have totally forgotten
the confusion goes away and a plan is written
with words that are filled with love, hope and desire
to feel the tightly folded note in my pocket
material evidence of
the understanding and certainty that washes over me
with every deep breath and every tear that i still cry
i didn't think i was to
feel these things that i feel now.

beautiful song for a beautiful day..

We'll do it all

Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

snow patrol - chasing cars

this is such a great song on a day like this. its a beautiful day with blue skies and the sun shining down. it makes you thankful for everything and everyone.

i wish..

i wish there were something to say
or something to do,
to make everyone happy.
i wish i knew what would make me happy.
im on the verge of something... i know it.

rohobo beach

yeah i went to the beach a couple of weekends ago and it was awesome! do i actually look happy?

im back!?

wow, i haven't been up here in a while. lots of things have changed and i don't really want to talk about it, at least not right now. maybe ill be on this a little bit more. yep yep :)

nothing new.

so im finally about to go to bed and i thought i should write something, so here i am. today pretty good cus it was my day off! it felt so great to sleep in and be by myself in the house. its soooo relaxing. i basically sat infront of the computer all day emailing people that i haven't talked to in a while and sending out pictures and showing this site. at about 1pm, i took mitchie to petsmart to get groomed. he really needed it. then ian and i went to commisary to get groceries and picked up mitch on the way home. we had dinner and then played WoW from 7pm to 1am. (yeah, i know, we are dorks.) around 9:30 i suggested that we go out to a club or something, but ian didn't want to, and after me begging, he still didn't want to, so that was the end of that. so yeah, hopefully something fun will happen this weekend. i have to work 1-10 tomorrow and im off on sunday, yay! so anybody want to do something, get intouch with me! i want to go out!!

so yeah, today was a good day. i got my nails done and went to work. i had a very uneventful day at work, but somehow it went by really fast. i talked to my natalie tonite and that was awesome. i miss her so much! i heard that she wrote something in her myspace blog about me, which is cool, but i totally wish i could just be on myspace and see it. i never realized how that crazy site kept you in touch with everyone so easily. well, maybe someday i'll have it back, and that day will be great.

why i love coheed and cambria..

i always like my life to have a soundtrack. it may sound stupid, but if something changes in my life i like to listen to a new band, or new album. if i listen to it a lot during a period of time, it becomes part of my soundtrack.
so..im sitting here listening to coheed and cambria cus they always put me in a good mood and i finally remember why this cd makes me feel so happy. this is part of my soundtrack! it was fall last year, (i love fall!) and that's when i was meeting new people, like doug, bonnie, chris, danny, and nic. That's a fun group to hang with. work was awesome because it was michelle, dave, shelly, kristin, and samantha, and everyday was fun! i miss that a lot.

mitch licking ian's head while he plays halo 2, how cute! 

finally a pic of ian and i 

a gorgeous rose that i received on valentines day, from a stranger, not from ian. 

me and emily coming back from the club...boy, was i drunk! 

my beautiful samantha! 

my lovely shells!

my shelly!

my natalie and little mitchie! oh how i love them both! :) 

we love to play together! 

my big baby! 

Great song

Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person,
and the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?
So much like choking down the embers of a great blaze.
It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions
and to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds.
You let this one person come down in the most perfect moment.
And it breaks my heart to know the only reason you are here now is
A reminder of what I'll never have
I'll never have... I'll never...
Standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in.
Standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in.
But this table for one has become bearable.
I now take comfort in this, and for this, I cherish you.

--From Autumn To Ashes, Short Stories With Tragic Endings

no title

well, do to such popular demand, i am back and telling you more about my fucked up life.
well, recently i have moved to Waldorf, MD and its ok, i guess. i hate the drive and being away from everything that was once just 5 minutes away, but without that complaint, the house itself is pretty cool. i love mitchie actually having someplace to run around in. other than moving, not much as been going on, which is fine with me cus moving and last month in general, was far too stressful.