a goodbye to friends because i really doubt you are coming back in my life

i just wish i knew i can call on you for anything
or have you call me back.
i wish you would not put your fake friends infront of me
and have you cry to me when there aren't there.
i wish you knew how much you mean to me
and how much it hurts to know you don't care.
i have a couple true friends,
i wish you were one of my true friends.
but now i know you're not.

yada, yada, yada..

so in the last couple of days i have found out:
i love lamb
that dreamcatcher is a fucked up but good movie
i miss going out to eat
video games are sooo much fun
three bottles of red wine are not the way to go
the mc.rib is back!
a friend got engaged..congrats sam and erik :)
red velvet is really sexy --- on me
mitchie is definately the best dog in the world
and
i hate christmas, but i already knew that.

just finished it!

tomato and mozzarella salad.. i want it now!!

hbd

i had a pretty good day yesterday. i talked to em and was planning on doing something with her later on in the afternoon but then she went to hang out with kim in va. that kinda sucked but what can i do about it? i kept busy all afternoon. i did the dishes, took a shower, fed Sundae, etc. when ray came home we all decided to go out to the mall and that was so random. after walked around a bit and buying nothing, we hung out at rocky run, a restuarant and bar at marley mall. they have some real good happy hour specials and im pretty sure we all got good and happy. from there we met up with tabitha at bill bateman's II and had dinner. it was a pretty random but a fun time. then i took a sleeping pill and went to bed. the end.

my hearts on empty..

i am dirty
i feel filthy with a dark muck that i can't wipe off.
my head is made of this massive goo
and i can't seem to get it out of my eyes.
how can i stand in front of family and friends in this state?
i am not to be looked upon or talked to,
my words are rottenness nothings that i cough up.
i move in a sluggish way.
this is me now.