my mom

i talked to my mom yesterday and that was a horrible idea. i never hear from her when everything is alright, only when everything is falling apart. so she does her normal rant about how everything is not working for her and that she is trying. she is always trying, she never just does anything. that bothers me to the fullest and i also hate it because i seem to be taking after her. damn, that makes me soo mad! anyways, i am on the phone with her for over an hour and i haven't gotten a word in and i only do when she asks for money. yep, she wants me to give her money yet again. but this time, i really don't have it. i gave her money like 2 or 3 weeks ago. what the fuck?!? she only listened to me for about 3 minutes as i was pacing back and forth telling her i don't know exactly how to do what i need to do for myself and that i can't take care of her. then after that she goes back saying that she didn't know what to do, no words of encouragement or anything to me, just that her plan of me getting her out of trouble just fell through. i wanted to throw the phone, because she always, always does this. ian says i shouldn't let it bother me, but i do. At least during the first day. she always pushes my buttons. i suppose its a gift that all mothers have. one of the reasons why i don't want to become one, i never want to treat my kid like this, make them feel helpless and insufficient. and so im getting off the phone with her and before we hang up she says she hopes she doesn't take up drinking again because of this. ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!? who says that?!? why would you say that?!? thanks mom, make me feel responsible for your drinking problem that you had along with the mortgage you can't afford, and your job that sucks, and when you don't have lights, and the lack of car, and if you have to go to the doctor and can't pay for it.
thanks, that's what i needed.