speechless

talk to me

you have no idea how good your voice sounds to me
with memories rushing through my head

my heart beats faster

because i feel like living
like smiling and crying

i am tingling all over

talk to me

so i can be speechless

this song speaks to me

I will choke until I swallow...
Choke this infant here before me.
What is this but my reflection?
Who am I to judge and strike you down?

But you're
Pushing and shoving me.
You still love me and you pushit on me.

Rest your trigger on my finger,
bang my head upon the fault line.
Take care not to make me enter.
'cause if I do we both may disappear.

But you're pushing me,
Shoving me. Pushit on me.

Slipping back into the gap again.
I'm alive when you're touching me,
Alive when you're shoving me down.

But i'd trade it all
For just a little bit of
Piece of mind.

Put me somewhere I don't wanna be.
Seeing someplace I don't wanna see.
Never wanna see that place again.

Saw that gap again today
As you were begging me to stay.
Managed to push myself away,
And you, as well.

If, when I say I may fade like a sigh if I stay,
You minimize my movement anyway,
I must persuade you another way.

There's no love in fear.

Staring down the hole again.
Hands upon my back again.
Survival is my only friend.
Terrified of what may come.

Just remember I will always love you,
Even as I tear your fucking throat away.
But it will end no other way.

pushit - tool

recap

today was gorgeous in just about every way, except that i had cramps and i was in a car going over bumps for 3 hours. it was a nice 56 degrees with the sun shining brightly. i have a great outlook on a lot of things right now. let me just tell you what this past week has been. i had mitchie all week, i talked to my dad and natalie, and i finally got my maryland licence which i needed to get since January. my ordeal to get that licence was ridicualous and it shows when you look at it. the funny thing is my last name is richardson-reis. hahaha! i know! that's fucking retarded.
i can't wait for a couple of interviews i got lined up this week. it seems that i have things going my way, finally. guess i wanted it bad enough, that, and the fact that i was going crazy.
yea! :)

hahaha!

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

wanting to scream is this.

i can't believe how worthless i feel. its something that i just can't shake. with everything i do, i feel that i am doing it wrong. every step i take and its in the wrong direction. i will smile and put on the facade of a happy-go-lucky girl but i am burning with a deep resentment within myself. this wasn't supposed to happen! how am i going to change everything that is wrong this time? oh just keep that smile on and remember that it can only get better from here, but that's not true. its not that i am not thankful or not blessed for what i have. i know that i am. i am just upset that life has been like this for as long as it has. wrong decisions on my part and just getting shit handed to me -- this is my life. this rant that is going nowhere but just pouring out of my heart. i feel worthless and its my fault.