thanks for the computer help!

thanks for making me cry
i know that was not your intention
so over a year later, it still hurts
it stings, and it infurates
i know i fucked up!
you did too!
we never moved passed that and it ate us alive
or just me.
you weren't some kind of god damn saint always there and comforting
you were you and yes, i do know you.
i would have stayed away the first time if i didn't.
and i still love you, call you my family, and have your last name.
but we've been moving on passed this.
have to and will.

i don't think that
we will laugh about this years from now
maybe it will still hurt.

With music everywhere and dim lights

You touching me and whispering in my ear
I feel the beat everywhere as you pulsate in time
you reach into my soul and caress me
I'm trying to hang on to reality
but i can't see you. you are there
i breathe you in, digest you in my being
with music everywhere and dim lights
we are one.

Baby on the Brain

I don't know where my head is at. I am in such a baby-frenzy right now. I am no where near being able and ready for a baby, but its like my clock is ticking so loud, its the only thing I hear. Everywhere I turn it seems that everyone has a baby or is pregnant. Why am I so jealous?
A year ago I was partying it up and recently separated from Ian. I was on my own for the first time and working like crazy. I was also living with 3 guys! I was obviously not ready for a baby. Wasn't even thinking about it. But now, I really want to settle down and have a family. (I am not saying with who I would like to do this with, because its just ideas and feelings. And its none of any body's business.)
I feel like I should have done this years ago, given that I was married and basically financially stable. I should have had at least 2 kids by now. I am glad that I didn't actually have kids with Ian because I have no idea where we would be if that did happen. I don't think we were ever ready to have kids and we never talked about it. Probably another reason why we broke up.
So, now what? What do you do when its on your mind everyday? I guess just be happy at where you are today and try not to rush into anything. Or maybe I just need a another puppy. Suggestions?