FUCK!

damnit! i can't believe he called and then wanted to take me to the beach! what kind of shit is that?!? all of these years, all of those years and now you want to be nice and care about me, and what i do! fuck that! its not fair! why even say shit like that, you have no right! we can be civil, but nice, NICE? after every goddamn thing we have been through, fuck this shit! I don't need your pity or you trying to do stuff with me because you think that i don't have the same wild and crazy life I had before!



fuck it



i don't know.. i don't know why i am so upset and why i started crying in the grocery store just by thinking about why or how you could do that. why just a simple, nice question can bring me to tears after everything we have gone through? how is it that you can still push my buttons and have the whole world stop when you talk to me? i know i love you but not like before, its not like i am still in love with you, that's just crazy and stupid, ridiculous, fucked up, and not at all the point.

anyways, its just crazy how feelings and everything can get stirred up with one little sentence, "I know you'll probably say no, but I just wanted to ask you, do you want to go to the beach with me tomorrow?"

why couldn't you do that before the divorce?! how about during our marriage?!

i don't know what to say or even what to feel, but i know you

just

shouldn't

have

done

that.